Nostalgic Day

I've been crying a lot today again. Some days are just bad! It seems so weird to say that, because even though I've cried literally every day since we lost Mama, there are still days that I consider to be good days. Some days I cry for a few minutes here and there, but I am comforted by the fact that I believe that she lived her life in a way that ensures her eternity with God. I truly believe that I will see her again in Heaven. Some days, like today, that thought isn't enough. I still believe that and take comfort in it, but I just miss her so much. I want to talk to her and be with her. I dreamed about her the other night and I think that's what made me sad yesterday and today. I dreamed that she was here, but always right out of my reach. She was busy with other things and though she was here, I couldn't really talk to her and she couldn't talk to me. I dream of her often and the dreams are getting more and more frustrating. In the beginning, I would dream that she was still here and the dream itself was so happy and peaceful. Once I woke up, it took a bit to remember that she was gone and that was a hard transition from dream to reality. Now I am realizing that she is out of reach even in my dreams. It makes me wish I could have happy dreams again, even if I have to leave the dream when I wake up. Sometimes it is helpful to look at her pictures. When I see pictures of her, it's easy to imagine that she is still here, she just looks so full of life! It is bittersweet, I guess, but more on the sweet side. I'm going to share a few of the pictures that I found recently:

Mama and the three oldest. She was pregnant with Suzanne here.

She was probably about 18 here. That is baby Angie in the background.

Mama and me on my 1st birthday. She was 7 months pregnant with Sam!